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Why does the world expect us to grow up? If we suceed at what we do and enjoy doing it, what does it matter if we're not all serious and somber about it? If I want to burst out into song--even if it's not some feel good song no one's ever heard before--why do people have to stare like I'm a moron? Why is it okay in a movie but not okay in real life? Why can't fantasy be reality and why can't true romance really exist?
Gawd. I hate being a romantic. Hardcore hopeless-fairytale-stargazing-fantastical romantic. That is me. Nobody knows it except for anyone who is reading this right now. And my aussie boy. But yeah. That is me. I wish everyday for a man who will sweep me off my feet. Someone who will smile and maybe join in when I start humming or when I burst into song. Someone who will try to spin me around the dance floor and laugh along with me as I fall all over both my left feet. Someone to cuddle and someone to snuggle and someone to hold on a cold winter's night. Or someone to hold me. Either or. Doesn't matter so long as there's body warmth and a kiss or two to go along with it. Someone who can understand what I want and not be afraid of it. I want a person who...I want a person who doesn't exist...*sigh* I hate being a romantic.
Gawd. I hate being a romantic. Hardcore hopeless-fairytale-stargazing-fantastical romantic. That is me. Nobody knows it except for anyone who is reading this right now. And my aussie boy. But yeah. That is me. I wish everyday for a man who will sweep me off my feet. Someone who will smile and maybe join in when I start humming or when I burst into song. Someone who will try to spin me around the dance floor and laugh along with me as I fall all over both my left feet. Someone to cuddle and someone to snuggle and someone to hold on a cold winter's night. Or someone to hold me. Either or. Doesn't matter so long as there's body warmth and a kiss or two to go along with it. Someone who can understand what I want and not be afraid of it. I want a person who...I want a person who doesn't exist...*sigh* I hate being a romantic.
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Date: 2008-03-28 03:15 pm (UTC)From:You sound so much like me.
It's hard to be a romantic in a cynic's world. And I've tried to harden myself against it, but, after enough tries, I realised that... I just plain have to believe in true love. I have to believe in the man that's been in my head for so many years. Not believing almost drove me well and truly insane.
So don't think he doesn't exist. He does, somewhere. He does because he must. And remember -- no matter how your heart is grieving, if you keep on believing, the dream that you wish will come true. :)
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Date: 2008-03-28 09:34 pm (UTC)From:Thanks. I've just been feeling so lonely and down lately. It's hard knowing that there's got to be that person out there who will truly care for you and love you for you, but the waiting is absolutely agony. But I tend to think too much, so at times I get myself to the point of rediculous what ifs, and last night it was just...what if he truly doesn't exist because I've created him at such an incredibly fantastical standard that most people in this world don't believe in anymore?
It really sucks that some of the people I really want to know in life are either an ocean away or across the country. I need to take a vacation...too bad I can't afford it...yet... O_o
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Date: 2008-03-28 11:09 pm (UTC)From:what if he truly doesn't exist because I've created him at such an incredibly fantastical standard that most people in this world don't believe in anymore?
I cannot tell you how many times I have had that exact thoughts. I've had an image in my head of the perfect man for me since I was, oh, 11. More than a decade, more than half my life, now. I believe I have a soulmate, and I believe I know, more or less, who he is. I know what traits I expect to see in him. And so, to varying degrees of subconsciousness, literally every man I meet gets compared to this image I've had in my head for so long. And there have been many, many times when I, in moments of despair, have thought I've been deluding myself. That I've been dreaming a man literally too good to be true. That I was wrecking my chances at happiness by pinning all of my hopes on something that didn't exist.
But what I've always come back to is... I can't not believe. I'm miserable without believing in this one true love. And I've learned how to not let it consume me entirely, and not sabotage the present, but... I've stopped trying to deny it. I'm much happier with the faith, and the trust that the universe won't let me down, than I am when I try to be realistic.
This is why I love "Ever Ever After" so much. ;) So much of Disney, really. I truly believe that the people who say that sort of love doesn't exist are the ones who gave up on finding it, and who settled for something just a little bit less. And I truly, completely, whole-heartedly believe that those who don't give up hope will get their happy-ever-afters. It just takes time, and faith.
*cuddles*