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by
Lita Reenā
begun
20 July 2005 @ 3:40am
Current Word Count: 13348
[[Author's Note: The characters within belong to JKR and Cass. Personalities belong to Cass, Heather, and me...so, if either of you has an issue with me writing them, please let me know and I'll delete the story. I was just going through some old writings in my document files and I found the beginning of this one, so I decided that I wanted to finish it. I haven't gotten very far, though I'm not sure what I want to do with it. Again, if you'd like me to delete just let me know and I will.]]
It was a warm night, well, warm for a late July night at the edge of Hogsmeade. A lone figure made its way from the train station at the edge of the lake and up the path in the middle of town and out to the large, illuminated building on the outskirts of the village. It would have been easier to simply Apparate into his home, but now that Eddie was back in his home country he wanted to soak in all the good memories that had come flooding back into his mind. They were short-lived though, because it was a quick little journey, as Eddie Carmichael had made it numerous times before. Upon reaching the front door he sighed contently and then pulled out the key. Now that the war was over, there was hardly any need to use magical locks and safeties on the grounds, and Eddie smiled to himself as he heard the familiar click of the key in the lock.
'It's good to be home...' he thought to himself as he walked into the foyer and dumped his bags on the ground.
The thud of his luggage echoed through the halls and into the Sitting Room on the other side of the Grand Fireplace. He stared around the room with a new sense of awe. It had been years since he had last looked at the room; he'd almost forgotten how intense it was. He walked around the Fireplace, still staring in awe at the old but familiar surroundings when he was startled by an old but familiar voice.
“I almost thought you’d forgotten how to get to your own house,” a mocking voice said from the settee in the far corner. It was dark, but Eddie recognised the voice, a voice that brought up memories from long ago. He stood staring into the darkness, silence having overtaken him. A snicker broke the silence, and then there was a new voice, just as familiar as the first.
“Why, I think you’ve robbed the Ravenclaw of his words,” a sweet voice stated with just a hint of mischief. Eddie could hear a scuffling of shoes on the hard floor, and then the soft sound of fabric brushing fabric. Another sound, and then a face finally came into view as the owner of one of the voices stepped forward out of the darkness. It was difficult to see in the little amount of moonlight that shone through the few windows. His eyes widened and his jaw dropped at the image set before him. It took a few minutes for it to register, but when it did Eddie seemed to lose the feeling in his legs, and then the darkness overtook him.
He awoke later to hear soft whispers coming from…hang on, where were they coming from? He was laying down, and so he pushed himself up on his elbows and looked around, his eyes still trying to adjust to the dimness that surrounded him.
“Careful there,” a voice cooed from the shadows. Eddie shook his head, squeezed his eyes shut, and then opened them slowly, hoping that maybe his eyes would have an easier time adjusting. Hope failed, however, and he still had just as difficult a time trying to find the owner of the voice in the darkness.
“Can you believe, he hasn’t figured it out yet!” the second voice said quietly. It was a much more disciplined tone, quite a contrast to the bubbly soft voice that he had first heard upon entering his home. He tried to pull himself up into a sitting position, but was forced back down onto the bed as he felt a slight pressure on his chest.
“I don’t think so!” came a voice again, seemingly from out of nowhere. It was the second voice. “You’re not going anywhere, not until we get some answers.”
“Please, please, do you have to be so brash about it, Bridge?” chimed the first, softer voice, pleading with the second voice.
“Oh now you’ve done it,” exclaimed the second voice loudly. “You never did learn how to keep a secret did you? It’s been how many years? Surely I must’ve been able to break you of that habit!” Eddie could hear the clicking of heels, making their way away from him and across the floor to the corner of the room.
“It’s not like it’s going to hurt anything!” said the second voice softly. “Besides, he’s a right to know who’s been keeping him captive in his own home!” the voice added brightly, bringing with it a lighter tone to the whole situation. He had been silent throughout this exchange when suddenly, something clicked. He reached out a hand toward where he thought he had heard the second voice coming from and called out softly, “Alex?”
A squeak emitted from the direction he had reached out to, and suddenly Eddie could feel warm hands enveloping his. “Oh Bridge, come on now, he knows!”
Eddie could hear something that sounded like a snort coming from the corner where the heels had clicked off to, and then he heard a spell uttered. His spell!! Rather, the counter to his spell. It had to be them. And it was. As soon as the words had been spoken, the two girls came into view, though no longer the girls he once knew, but the women he had never known. He lay there wide-eyed and drop-jawed, staring at the girls he had left behind so many years ago.
“Sweet Merlin, Alex. I can’t imagine how you ever found him attractive. Just look at him, can’t even gawk correctly,” Bridget said haughtily. Eddie promptly shut his mouth and let his eyes slide back into their sockets, allowing his hand fall away from Alex’s as he pulled himself up to a sitting position on the bed, for that was what he was lying on. He sat there, rubbing lightly at his chest while looking back and forth between the two girls.
“Alex…Bridget…what’re you doing here?” he asked quietly, finally letting his eyes rest on Alex, as if waiting for her to answer him.
“We heard you were coming back,” Bridget interjected quickly, rising from her chair and walking over to the bed, poking her wand at his chest. “We had to hear it from Cho Chang, Cho Chang of all people. You couldn’t have sent word to us?!” She was livid. She pulled the point of her wand away and started pacing up and down the bedside. “We were worried sick about you! And you couldn’t even save us the worry by sending us a single owl!” She turned to glare at him, tears beginning to form in the corner of her eyes. She sniffed once and then whirled, her robes flying behind her as she rushed back over to the chair, falling down into it and crossing her arms defiantly over her chest. “You’re selfish and deceitful and I wish you’d never come back!” she cried, staring him down, her dark eyes squinting at him.
Eddie turned to Alex with a confused look, pleading silently with her for an explanation of why Bridget was so angry with him. The blonde—whose curls seem to have tamed since he’d seen her last—smiled apologetically at him and sighed, though still smiling.
“Bridget’s still bitter that you left without even saying good bye,” she said gently. “You left us alone in the middle of a war. You can’t expect her, or me, to be able to forgive you very easily, you know.” She rose from the bedside, her empty hands falling to her sides as she looked down at him. For the first time that night, Eddie realised that the twinkle her eyes had once held was no longer there, replaced by the dull shine of the heartache and pain that war brings. Her step no longer held its youthful and vivacious bounce, and Eddie could feel a twinge in his chest as he realised that he would never be able to get back the years he had missed with her, with either of them. He had run away, when they had stayed to fight; yet he was the one who was lacking because of it.
“I’m sorry,” he whispered to her back, letting his head hang in shame. Another sound of disbelief came from the corner, and Eddie could hear heels clicking over toward the door, and then the door closing behind them as they left him sitting there, alone on the bed.
Eddie woke the next morning, his eyes stinging slightly from crying himself to sleep the night before. He hadn’t expected a greeting on his homecoming. He half hadn’t expected to come home at all. The girls couldn’t have known why he’d had to leave so quickly, why he had to leave without even saying good-bye. He had hoped that by fleeing the country, he could make it all go away, could quite possibly keep them safe. He had never thought on it, but when he thought on it now, Eddie would never be able to tell them that he had fled because his own father was trying to kill him.
They had known that the year after Eddie left Hogwarts, his father had disappeared. What Bridget and Alex never found out, though, was that Aiden Carmichael had been introduced to the world of the Death Eaters, finally letting his grief overtake him and letting their silken lies of betrayal and revenge eat into him. Eddie hadn’t found out about it until late in December, when the anniversary of his mother’s death had come around again. That year had been different, and Aiden Carmichael had left the Estate, never to return again. Only later when Eddie had gone through his father’s room did he find a black cloak with a white mask stashed deep in a secret compartment in the passageway that connected Aiden’s room with his private study. Eddie had been devastated, trying to figure out where his father had disappeared to. The following February, Aiden had come back, but only to do away with the piece of scum that had been the product of his union with a Muggleborn wife. Aiden had come back to kill Eddie. And so Eddie had fled the country, not even stopping to say goodbye to anyone. For the first time in his life, Eddie was glad that his father had been so distant through his years at Hogwarts. There was no way Aiden Carmichael would know of the two girls whom Eddie had come to befriend, or the things Eddie had taught himself while studying there.
Eddie thought back on all of this as he walked through the halls of the manor. Upon waking, he had sent out owls to the people who he knew would have kept track of his home. In his last year before leaving Hogwarts, Eddie had made a few close friends, friends he knew would’ve been able to survive in the dark days to come, and the people he had randomly owled while staying away for the duration of the war. It was Harry Potter himself who sent an owl back, telling Eddie that, sadly, soon after Eddie had fled the country, Aiden had been killed for failing the assignment that would have been his initiation into the Death Eater circle. Eddie dropped to the ground, his mind making the connection.
‘If I hadn’t left…he would have killed me, and he would still be alive…‘ The thought tumbled over and over in his mind. Part of him was overcome with grief at being the cause of his father’s death, the other part of him being furious with his father for letting himself be conned into joining Voldemort. His father had been weak, and that was the end of it. But the girls, they had managed to survive!
He jumped up from the floor, making his way through the halls until he heard hushed whispering coming out of the library. Of course, they were Ravenclaws. He wasn’t surprised that he found them there. He slowed to a stop and then slowly made his way through the open doors. The whispering stopped immediately when the dark haired girl spotted him walking towards them. She stiffened slightly, her arm around the shoulders of the blonde sitting next to her, and then raised her chin defiantly at him.
“So, you’ve finally come back, have you?” she spat at him, her grip on Alex’s shoulder tightening slightly.
“Ouch! Bridge, come on now, I’m sure Eddie’s got a good explanation for why he had to leave,” she said quietly, the hurt in her voice making it obvious that she didn’t expect one. Eddie only stood there quietly, wondering how much he should tell them. Here he was, almost thirty years old, and he was afraid to tell two women why he couldn’t have communicated with them for practically ten years. Why it had been so long, though, he didn’t know, and that was mainly why he didn’t want to tell them. Bridget gave him one of her “Well what are you waiting for?” looks, and Eddie sighed as he dropped into a chair opposite them.
“You two haven’t changed a bit…” he said quietly, his mind straining to find a way to start into his story. He let himself fall into his memories for a moment, remembering how oddly protective of Alex Bridget had always been. In everything, schoolwork, boys, magic, life, Bridget had always seemed the stronger of the two. She had also been the one Eddie had been more afraid of. The three of them had certainly formed an odd triangle of friendship. Eddie could remember missing them the most after he had left. Of course, they had been one of the main reason Eddie had fled the country, trying to keep them safe, keep his father from finding out about them.
“Eddie?” Alex’s voice cut through his memories and he looked back at the two girls sitting across from him. He sat there staring at her for a moment, and then she broke the silence again. “Why?” she asked quietly, a single tear falling from her eye and rolling slowly down her cheek. At that moment, there was nothing more that he wanted to do than to reach across and hold her in his arms, to comfort her, to apologise for causing her so much pain. He sighed and let his gaze fall to his lap. He didn’t know where to start.
“It’s been ten years Edward Carmichael! You owe us something!!” Bridget shouted furiously. She released her arm from around Alex’s shoulders and jumped up, her wand out and her eyes wild with anger, “Why did Harry Potter of all people tell me so many years ago not to contact you?? Why did you just disappear like that! Everyone said you were dead!” A small sob escaped from Alex, still sitting on the couch with her arms wrapped around herself. Bridget gestured in the direction of the blonde. “Look at what you’ve done to her!”
Eddie couldn’t bear it anymore. There was no way he could tell them, and there was no way he could sit there any longer and watch Alex cry. No. It wasn’t the right time. He stood quickly, planning on rushing out of the library when suddenly he was frozen, stopped in his tracks. He couldn’t understand it. Suddenly, he was facing the two girls again, forced to watch as Alex continued to cry silently. Bridget advanced on him, her wand out and her face angry.
“You’ve forgotten already, haven’t you? Your last year at Hogwarts, the year Professor Dumbledore died? Professor Snape was instructing us all in nonverbal casting. Took a liking to it. Helped immensely during the war the next year. Of course, you wouldn’t know that would you?” she said bitterly, her wand hand dropping to her side. She shook her head and sat back down next to Alex.
Eddie fell forward suddenly, and Bridget laughed bitterly. “You’re such a selfish bastard, you know that?” she told him. “You had so much here, and then you ran. You ran like the coward that you--” She gasped loudly as a hand connected with her cheek, leaving a slight pink imprint.
“Bridget Dunstan you stop that right this instant!” Alex cried out. Her eyes burned with passion for a moment before she gasped and buried her face in her hands. “Oh Bridge, I’m so sorry.” The blonde looked up at her friend, fighting back tears as she apologised, “I didn’t mean it really, you just, you shouldn’t say that about Eddie. I’m sure there was a good reason for…well, I’m sure he had a good reason.” She sniffed lightly and dropped her hands into her lap. “I’m sorry,” she whispered again, unable to look either of the other two in the eye.
The darker haired woman reached out to console Alex, but the blonde pulled away, horrified that she’d actually slapped her best friend. In the end, Eddie found himself walking silently over to her, wrapping an arm around her silently and holding her gently, letting her turn into his embrace. He could feel her as she shook, silently sobbing as she beat weakly at his chest.
“You never even said goodbye,” she whimpered, “You never even said goodbye.”
Eddie sighed quietly and gave Alex a gentle squeeze. For the longest time, he sat there holding her in silence; the only sound to be heard was the barely audible click of Bridget’s heels as she shifted her weight from foot to foot. Finally, Eddie couldn’t stand the silent shaking of Alex’s body as she continued to cry. He gently began running his hand through her near-straightened hair, whispering to her, “Please, please don’t cry Alex. Don’t cry now, not now. I’m here. I’m here now; there’s no need to cry.” He squeezed his eyes shut, trying to fight his own tears from coming. He had never wanted to hurt her.
Eventually, Bridget left the library, rolling her eyes at the two figures sitting entwined on the couch. Eddie sighed and then tried to pull Alex away so he could look at her, but her sobbing had long since ended and she was now slumped lightly against him, having fallen into a gentle slumber. He wanted to call out to Bridget to bring her back, but instead decided against it, not wanting to wake Alex. Instead, he called quietly for Lixy, his old house elf, hoping that maybe she could prepare a bed for the woman in his arms. He waited silently, and then frowned. It wasn’t like Lixy to be late when he called. He was surprised to see Bridget walking back into the library with a tray of tea and toast.
“After the war ended, the Ministry passed a bill that freed the house elves,” she told him quietly, though the scowl on her face was evident. “I would have thought dear old Harry Potter would have owled you and let you know. Still, Lixy’s around here somewhere. She didn’t want her master to come home and not have help around the house. She didn’t believe that you were dead, even though it was Harry Potter himself who had told her.” She set the tray down on the end table by the couch and gently tugged Alex away from Eddie. “Come on, you, wake up. You’re not doing this again, not tonight.” When Eddie gave her a funny look for saying that, she sighed and rolled her eyes at him for the second time that night.
“She’s depressed. Sleeping at odd times and all. Not right for her to be asleep at 6pm now is it?” Bridget grabbed each of Alex’s shoulders and shook her, just enough to cause her head to flop around like a rag doll’s. “Alex!” she cried, “Wake up, dammit! I’ve got half a mind to slap her when she gets like this,” Bridget told Eddie matter-of-factly.
“Why don’t we just…let her sleep?” Eddie suggested quietly to Bridget, watching with a small frown as the brunette kept shaking the fragile blonde.
“Because she’s slept too much today already. She had only just woken up about an hour before you came around,” Bridget muttered, finally letting Alex slump back against Eddie, who shook his head and then picked Alex up in one swift, smooth motion.
“It’s all right. We can let her sleep for just a little while more,” Eddie said quietly as he began to walk slowly out of the library. He turned just enough to look back at Bridget and ask, “Are you coming?” She stared at him for a moment before sighing and picking up the tray again, quickly catching up to walk beside him as he led the way down the hall and into the nearest room.
“Are you ever going to tell us why you left?” she asked him curtly as he gently laid Alex down on the bed. He sighed at her and they sat down in the two chairs in the corner of the room. It was definitely going to be a long night.
Eddie woke the next morning facedown in a pillow. He sniffed loudly, blinking a few times before finally looking at his surroundings and then realised that he was lying on the bed. Next to Alex. With his arm draped over her stomach. What had happened? He gave a silent thanks for the fact that they at least were still fully clothed and then slid slowly off the bed, trying not to wake the blonde. She murmured something, shifting slightly before turning away from Eddie and sighing in her sleep. He breathed a sigh of relief and stepped away silently toward the door.
“Please don’t leave.”
Eddie turned quickly, having thought that Alex was still asleep. He stepped quickly back over to the bed and leaned over her as she smiled up at him.
“I thought you were asleep still, I didn’t want to wake you,” he told her quietly, smiling back at her.
“It’s all right,” Alex said quietly, the smile still on her face. “Bridget says I sleep too much anyway.” She sighed and dropped her gaze to her lap, “Maybe she was right.” Eddie reached a hand underneath her chin and lifted her face so that she was looking into his eyes again.
“Hey now, no more being depressed, all right?” he told her firmly, flashing a toothy grin before bringing his hand away and then offering it to her to help her off the bed. “Life is going to be different from now on, all right? I’m here, and I’m not going to let you be depressed anymore.” Alex smiled meekly at him and then grabbed his hand, hoisting herself off the bed in one smooth move. Eddie made a mental note of it.
‘She would’ve fallen flat on her face if she had tried that ten years ago,’ he thought to himself. ‘I’ve missed too much by staying away.’ He sighed quietly and then offered his arm, walking her out to the Sitting Room at the center of the house. Once arriving there, Eddie’s eyes swept the room and saw as Bridget looked up from behind her book and raised an eyebrow at them.
“Finally out of bed, I see,” Bridget said softly, reaching for the cup of tea from the table in front of her. The chaise she was stretched out on was draped elegantly in her navy blue robes, and she watched with mild interest as Eddie helped Alex into a nearby chair, poured her a cup of tea and then offered it to her with the youthful energy he would have done it with ten years ago.
“Your eyes are as good as ever, then,” Eddie said with a wink and a smile as he poured a cup of tea for himself. “Alex decided that she had slept enough, though I daresay neither of you need any beauty rest.” Bridget just rolled her eyes at him and sipped her tea quietly. She looked at Alex questioningly, wanting to ask her if anything had happened that morning before she and Eddie had arrived in the Sitting Room. Knowing what her best friend must be thinking, Alex shook her head lightly, in indication that nothing had happened.
Eddie, having noticed the looks the two girls were giving each other, simply smiled to himself, glad that the two women of his life had been able to remain such close friends over the years. Thinking of the past that he had missed out on, Eddie sighed and closed his eyes, dropping his non-seeing gaze to his lap as he tried to suppress the emptiness that was creeping up on him. When he opened his eyes, he jumped and pressed into the back of his chair; Alex and Bridget had vacated their own seats and come to stand over his, watching him with waiting eyes.
“I suppose you want an explanation?” he asked quietly after calming himself from the initial shock of having them standing over him. They had each pulled chairs up closer to his, nodding at him as they sipped their tea.
“I certainly think we deserve it,” Alex said after a moment, staring at Eddie with sad eyes. Bridget snorted loudly into her tea. Eddie took a deep breath before setting his tea down on the table and then leaning back into his chair.
“I’m certain you remember my father, Aiden Carmichael?” he began, watching them both for reactions. They nodded again, synchronous movement. “If you remember, he was pretty much a recluse. The Runes Professor, of course, enthusiastic about his subject, urging his students to learn the subject as best they could. Everyone, except for me. For whatever reason, he could never manage to teach me the way he taught everyone else. He never did tell me why, but eventually I found out anyway. You remember, don’t you? The year Dumbledore died. You reminded me yourself, Bridget,” Eddie said with a weak wink and a light smile. “Well, he never showed up at the funeral. Apparently, he’d been conversing with the Death Eaters for a while. I was going to ask Professor Dumbledore about it…but, well, I guess I waited too long.” He closed his eyes and gave a heavy sigh.
“You probably also didn’t know, that I’m related to one of those wackos,” Eddie growled lightly. “Rodolphus Lestrange, he’s some weird third cousin or whatever, never could get those distant relations correctly. Either way, he’s the one who had been sending my dad owls, telling him that the muggles were the reason mum was dead. He poisoned dad’s mind…I wanted revenge, so I tried to go after him. It wasn’t any use though. I had no idea where those bastards disappeared to. I was out scouring the countryside one night in early February, when I ran into Harry. I don’t know what he was doing, but Hermione and Ron were with him. We talked for a while, and then we all came back here, to Hogsmeade. I was going to come back and let you know where I was, but Harry said it was too dangerous. We were only staying in Hogsmeade for a day anyway. Later that night we left and travelled down to London, and then we were attacked. I don’t even know how it happened. But it was my dad.” At that point Eddie squeezed his eyes shut, his breath coming faster.
“My dad was trying to kill me.” Bridget’s mouth dropped open slightly and she raised a hand to cover it. Alex muffled a cry of surprised with both hands, her eyes wide and shining with the beginnings of tears. Eddie shook his head lightly and sighed again, trying to even his breathing. “He didn’t succeed though. I can remember it though, he kept screaming that I—that I was Muggle filth and that I wasn’t worth it, that I needed to be destroyed in order to preserve the family line. I tried to stop him…but I couldn’t. Harry stunned him, but I begged him not to kill my dad. He took pity on my dad, and on me, and we arranged it so that it looked like he had killed me instead of my father. Father was furious, left before Harry had a chance to stop him. He performed some kind of spell then; he said it was for my safety. And then I left the country for a spot that Harry had already arranged for me. I don’t know what happened afterward, except that I couldn’t tell you where I’d gone, because I didn’t even know where I had gone to. Harry came by later to tell me that my father had been killed for his failure. I was shocked. He said I could stay there if I wanted to. Stay there until the war was over. He’d come get me later. I fled again, wandering in an unknown place. For nine years I wandered, because I was unplottable, and Harry couldn’t owl me to let me know the war had ended.” Eddie hung his head, “I only heard until just a few months ago that I had been declared dead. Someone must have found my will. I had almost forgotten that I had written one. And then one day I found my way back here, back to the castle. Professor McGonagall took me in, owled Harry and the enchantments he had placed on me were lifted. I wasn’t sure where you were, but apparently Cho’s been working in the Ministry, and she was informed that I was alive. I guess that’s when she contacted you and told you about me.”
Eddie fell silent, letting them soak it all in. Alex was sobbing softly, gazing at him with gentle eyes. Bridget, on the other hand, was staring hard at him, as though trying to figure if he was telling the truth or not. She finally stood, reaching out to Alex and then helping her up from the chair, staring pointedly at Eddie before leading Alex away back toward the bedroom.
“Come on Alex…that’s enough for today,” she said quietly, staring back once more at Eddie before the two of them disappeared into the hallway.
Morning came quickly for Eddie, as he had gone back to his old room after Bridget and Alex had left him the morning before. He didn’t know what to do anymore. Alex’s reaction wasn’t what he had expected, but what did he expect from a person he had spent the last ten years apart from? He sat silently in his bed, his head resting on a soft pillow encased in a smooth cotton pillowcase. He frowned lightly. ‘These used to be silk…’ he thought to himself. As he pulled himself out of bed, he shivered from the lack of warmth in the room. A quick glance over at the fireplace told him the fire he had lit during the night had died, and without a house elf to keep it going, it had dwindled and disappeared long before Eddie had awoken. He quickly dressed in some a pair of warm pants, a comfortable shirt, and threw on a thick pair of robes to keep himself warm. He’d forgotten how cold the Manor could get sometimes. Still a bit chilly, and feeling somewhat lonely, Eddie picked up the pillow from the bed and clutched it lightly to his chest, using it to try and help himself keep warm as well as for a small bit of comfort.
His footsteps echoed quietly in the large hallway as he walked, making his way to the secret study that he had always used to disappear to during the summers between his years at Hogwarts. It was his favourite place to go to, and he remembered always feeling better when in its confines. With one arm still wrapped around the pillow, he used his other to reach out to the wall, running his fingertips lightly across the rough texture, feeling until it had smoothed completely. He smiled and then walked into the wall, making his way through the short passageway and then arriving at the door at the end. He pushed it open with his free hand, stepping out of the grandfather clock in the corner of the room and then sighing.
“Finally,” he whispered to himself as he took a long glance around the room. A loud squeak, followed by a loud thud, reverberated through the small room, and then Alexandra Bradford poked her head over the back of the plush chair near the center of the room, her eyes wide with surprise.
“Eddie!” she whispered loudly into the chair, “What’re you doing here?” It was a quiet question, though muffled by the cushions, but Eddie had managed to get the gist of what she had asked anyway.
“Well, I did live here for about 18 years of my life,” he said, trying to hide his smirk along with the subsequent surprise that he had felt at seeing her in his secret study. “I, of course, could ask you the same thing,” he added with a raised eyebrow.
“I, erm, that is, I’ve been rather fond of this room, ever since you showed it to me that first time. Remember? And, well, it’s rather comforting,” she responded quietly. “And, it reminded me of you, so secret and so detached from everyone and everything. Bridget can’t seem to let me out of her sight anymore. She felt so horrible for letting her parents keep her from going back to Hogwarts that year. She felt horrible for leaving me, she said. Nowadays, she can’t seem to let me out of her sight, so I promised her I wouldn’t leave the house without her. But in here I can be alone without breaking my promise. She still gets worried, but I feel so much better when I’m in here. I can’t explain it, really.” She had been avoiding his eyes the entire time, and her voice was low and soft.
“Why did you stay away for so long?” she asked softly, her voice breaking as she looked up at him, her normally dark green eyes sparkling like emeralds. The tears in her eyes shone brightly, the light from the small fire nearby reflecting brilliantly from them. Her gaze dropped again before she sat back down in the chair, her voice folding around and travelling across the room to him.
“You went away. And you were gone for so long…I knew you couldn’t be dead. I could feel it. I knew Harry was lying. I don’t know how, but I just knew it. But you left me…and then momma left me. And then she never came back. I had to close the shop…I was never as good at Charms as she was. Bridget came as soon as she found out. She was so angry at both of you.” At that Alex let out a soft laugh, and then began to sniff as she continued, “She seemed to think that I couldn’t take care of myself. She probably still thinks I can’t…” Alex stopped talking and gave a heavy sigh before closing her eyes to take a few breaths, trying to calm herself.
Eddie was silent. He didn’t know what to say to that. He had felt awful for leaving Alex like that. He felt awful now for making her feel so horrible, for making her feel so…alone. Without another thought, he crossed the room and knelt in front of the chair she was sitting in, taking in the sight before him. She was sitting on the chair, but she had pulled her legs up so that she was sitting on them. Her thick blonde tresses were pressed against the plush velvet backing and her eyes were closed, the lashes glistening from the moisture of her tears. A small droplet had formed at the corner of each of her closed eyes and her chest heaved quietly before she sighed quietly and then let the tears slide gracefully down the curve of her cheek. Her left arm had slid down to wrap around her stomach with her hand resting on her waist, while her right had rested on the arm of the chair, her hand gripping the cloth tightly, as though holding onto something and never wanting to let go. Eddie slowly raised his left hand to the arm of the chair, letting it rest lightly on hers, trying to pry it away so that he could hold it in his own. She squeezed her eyes tighter together, causing a few more drops to fall from them and follow the trail the ones before them had travelled. Eddie suddenly let go of the pillow and lifted his right hand to catch one of them as it fell from her cheek, watching as the small drop of liquid slid down the cracks of his hand, running over his wrist and then twisting down and around his arm, finally coming to a stop just before the tip of his elbow. It stayed there for a time, and then it dropped to the carpet, lonely and forgotten.
Looking up from the spot on the floor, Eddie lifted his right hand again, brushing a stray hair from Alex’s face and then tucking it back behind her ear before cupping her cheek gently.
“I should never have left without telling you what was going on. It was selfish of me—“ he started to say, but before he could get any further Alex suddenly leapt forward from the chair, throwing herself at Eddie and curling against his chest.
“Please, just tell me that you’ll never leave me again. Tell me that momma will come back and that I won’t have to be alone ever again!” She started sobbing, her tears flowing freely and leaking down onto his chest and soaking into his robes. He inhaled sharply, squeezing his eyes shut and searching for something to say, anything except the truth. With one arm wrapped tightly around her, he pushed the both of them together up off the ground and then lifted her gently into his arms, stepping over to the couch across from the chair she’d been sitting in and then sat down on it with her cradled in his lap, as though she were a small child. It was slightly awkward, but at that moment in time all Eddie wanted to do was to hold Alex and tell her that everything was going to be okay.
‘But everything’s not going to be okay,’ he told himself harshly. ‘Her mother isn’t going to come home and life is never going to be the way it was.’ It was a harsh reality, and one that Eddie had learned on his own, but he couldn’t bear to say those things to Alex. Here she was, this girl who had always seemed so bright and optimistic, crying like a small child who had lost her way. How could he tell her that her mother had died for a cause, and that she should be proud of her? How could he tell her that she was lucky her parent hadn’t chosen Voldemort, or that she was lucky because her parent hadn’t tried to kill her? No, he couldn’t bear to say those things to her, and so they sat there, holding each other on the couch.
Eddie had sat there consoling Alex as best he could, sitting and listening as the grandfather clock in the corner had called out when each hour had passed, though never really paying attention to the time. It wasn’t until fives chimes and a loud POP later that Eddie realised how late it was. The pop, of course, had been Lixy, the house elf who had been Eddie’s closest companion as a boy.
“Master Eddie!” the small creature squeaked, an odd sort of sad smile crossing her face as she bowed low to her former master. “Miss Bridget is looking for you and Miss Alex and she sure is angry!” Eddie nodded and gave the elf a tired smile of thanks.
“Thank you Lixy. Please let Bridget know that Alex and I will join her in the Dining Room for an early dinner.”
The house elf nodded and disappeared without a trace. Eddie looked down at the woman who had fallen asleep on his lap. He could remember a time back in the day when Bridget would have been furious with him for letting Alex sleep right through lunch. Had they been in the common room, she also would have lectured them on how inappropriate and indecent it was to be sleeping together on the couch. Ahh, the good old days, when the only thing to worry about was getting past the resident prefects. How he missed their school days.
Slowly and gently, he shook Alex in an attempt to wake her. She shifted and muttered something, moaning quietly before falling silent again. Eddie stared in wonder at her for a moment before trying again. This time her head rose sleepily from his shoulder as she blinked a few times.
“Oh goodness, you haven’t let me fall asleep again have you? Hellfire! Bridget’s going to skin us alive!” She scrambled out of Eddie’s lap and then conjured a mirror so that she could straighten herself up. “I look a fright! Bridget’s going to think the worst; oh, Eddie why am I such a mess!” She straightened her hair a bit and then squirted some water on her face before taking a glance at the clock and then turning to him with a forced smile. “I suppose it’s too early for dinner, then?” she asked him.
“On the contrary,” Eddie replied, offering his arm to her and then walking them to the passageway that would lead them quickest to the dining room, “I’ve already arranged an early dinner with Bridget. Lixy says she’s rather angry with us.”
“Oh no!” Alex moaned softly as they walked through the tapestry. Dinner was definitely going to be an interesting event.
Dinner had been somewhat of an adventure—even if dead silent--as Eddie and Alex were both trying to avoid Bridget’s eyes, while Bridget was staring each of them down, her eyes burning into theirs whenever they had the misfortune of connecting with hers. The only sounds throughout the entire ordeal had been the scraping of forks and knives on plates and even then the sounds were so quiet one might assume they had imagined them. Suddenly, Bridget squeezed her eyes shut. After she opened them, she stood quickly, her chair scraping the marble floor loudly as it was pushed back, and she walked quickly from the room in the direction of the Sitting Room without giving Eddie or Alex a sideways glance. Alex mouthed an “I’m sorry” to Eddie and then quietly stood from her chair, following her friend into the other room.
Bridget had plopped down onto the couch furthest from the door, the couch which happened to be in front of the fireplace, and Alex walked silently over to her, settling herself on the opposite side of the couch and staring at the dark-haired girl for a moment.
“Bridge…are you dreadfully angry with me?” she asked meekly, her eyes large and scared.
“Oh Alex…I’m not angry with you. Frustrated, yes, but not angry,” Bridget said with a sigh. She gave the blonde a weak smile, which Alex took as a sort of truce and flung herself toward the other girl in a hug.
“Oh Bridget thank you! I don’t know what I would’ve done if you were angry with me!” Alex cried as she held tightly to her friend, as though clinging to her so would keep the girl from having negative thoughts. “I’m sorry. I don’t want to disappoint you or frustrate you or make you be angry with me. I don’t know what I would do if you…” She couldn’t bring herself to finish the sentence.
“I’m not going to leave you Alex. I’m your best friend, and I will always be here for you.” Her voice was soft, but firm, and sounded as though it was a declaration she had made before, but one that she would always hold to. Her smile was caring, though, and Bridget finally hugged Alex back. “I would never want to leave you Alex. You would’ve done the same for me.” The two sat in silence, holding each other close, not notising the third figure that had joined the room.
Eddie stood watching the girls from the shadows, a feeling of déjà vu sweeping over him as he recalled a similar occurrence from their years at Hogwarts when they had first met. Circumstances were quite different now, though, as it was because of him that the girls were hugging, and not because of the oncoming war. The war was over. The only problem in this house seemed to be him. He pondered leaving for a moment, and then actually turned to walk out the door, when Bridget’s voice rang out across the room.
“Don’t you dare leave Edward Carmichael.” It was a quiet, but forceful command, and Eddie couldn’t help but turn back and walk toward them. Bridget looked at Eddie, her gaze hard, but not cold and not unfriendly. She was peering at him oddly, as though trying to read him, and for a moment Eddie felt lost in his own mind. Bridget sighed and shook her head, “Eddie, I don’t know why you felt you needed to stay away. Alex doesn’t know why either. But you came back. That’s really what matters. But eventually, we’d like to know why had felt you had to stay away for so long. It’s only fair.” Her gaze had softened as her hand repeatedly ran through Alex's hair, combing through the soft strands of blonde.
Eddie sighed and sat down on the chair next to them, calling to Lixy and asking her to prepare some tea and some snacks for them as it was going to be a long while.
He sat quietly, trying to gather his faculties and figure out just how he was going to tell them why he had done things the way he had. After a moment more, he breathed deeply and closed his eyes; it would be better to simply get it out in the open, let them hate him if they wanted to. He opened his eyes, a sad expression now covering his face.
“To put it in a word, I was a coward. Ashamed.” His eyes moved to Alex’s small frame and he sighed, “Unworthy.” He forced himself to look away from her and continued talking, “She…you, deserved better. Someone who had family that would accept you. Someone who was…not me.” He dropped his gaze to his lap, hands gripping the arms of the chair he was sitting in as he quickly talked himself into continuing with the story. “So I asked Harry to stage my death. I wrote up a will that would leave everything for the two of you. It was the least I could do; you both had done so much for me during that year. After the issue with my father, I couldn’t bear to come back. What if, what if something else happened, what if they used you to get to me? So I left, went to the States, as far away as I dared. I had never planned on coming back.” He shifted his weight uncomfortably in his chair, avoiding their stares as they waited for him to continue.
“Somehow I managed to survive there, wandering from town to town, living…as a muggle.” He leaned his head back against the back of the chair, staring at the ceiling, afraid to tell the girls the things that had happened next. He let his head fall back to a normal position and pressed on.
“That was when I met Regina.”
Eddie didn’t want to look at them. He didn’t want to see the disappointment that he was expecting to see on their faces, didn’t want to see Alex burst into tears. But he did anyway, and he immediately wished he hadn’t. Alex was sitting there wide-eyed and pale, Bridget was gripping the arm of her chair so hard her knuckles were turning white. He didn’t want to continue, but something in Bridget’s eyes was telling him that he had to finish; something in Alex’s face told him that she deserved to know why he had stayed away for so long. So he cleared his throat and continued his story.
“Regina took me in when no one else would. She fed me and gave me shelter when no one else would. I had fallen ill, and she nursed me back to health. She had a little girl, four years old, who came in to sit by me during the day. I can remember her bright green eyes; I remember they reminded me of you,” he said, looking up at Alex. “After that, she offered to let me stay with them, so long as I could get a job and help her with the rent. She was a teacher, but even with her salary she could hardly afford to live in the small apartment she shared with her daughter. So I stayed. I got a part time job in a local store, a repair store. We repaired everything from electronics to furniture. I had told myself I wasn’t going to use magic, but it was so easy to just point the wand and say ‘Reparo!’ The store owner was impressed with my apparent talent,” his words were bitter as he relayed this part of his life, “so he offered me a full time job. I accepted it, and then I worked there for the next few years, staying with Regina and helping take care of Katelyn, her daughter.” He stopped with his story, looking at the girls to see how they were reacting so far. Bridget looked like she’d kill him if he stopped again, so he kept going, making a mental note not to stop until the story was finished.
“By that time, little Katie had started calling me ‘papa’. I couldn’t bear to leave her.” He pulled his wallet out of his pocket and retrieved some pictures from it. After setting them on the table, he went on with his story. “So I stayed. I helped Regina raise Katie and Regina named me Katie’s godfather. And that was where I’ve been all this time. It wasn’t until I saw an article in the papers that you were putting the Estate up for sale that I had to come back.” He dropped his gaze to his lap and fought back the anger and frustration that he could feel growing. “I didn’t give you this house just for you to sell it,” he said quietly, though there was an obvious fierceness in the statement. “And I didn’t mean to stay away for so long. But I was afraid…afraid of the change. Afraid you would think me a coward for running.” He stood suddenly, muttering something about never coming back.
“EDWARD ANTHONY CARMICHAEL WILL YOU SIT DOWN!” Bridget bellowed from her chair, having stood up as soon as he did. Eddie promptly fell back into his chair, his eyes wide in surprise. He knew that Bridget could have a bit of a temper, but he didn’t recall ever hearing her raise her voice that loudly before. At that moment, he wanted to curl in on himself in his chair. Bridget sat back down in hers, her head falling forward into one hand, her elbow resting on her knee.
“Eddie…” Alex began quietly. She was unsure of what to say, really. “I…” she started again, but Bridget cut her off.
“You are a coward Edward Carmichael. Afraid of change?” she scoffed, standing again and then walking around the chair, pacing behind it. “Change happens everyday. It’s inevitable. You knew it would happen and you knew that you would have to come back. You’re insuff—“ Now it was Alex’s turn to cut Bridget off.
“Bridge! Stop that right now!” she cried shrilly, turning a desperate face to her best friend. “That’s enough for tonight,” the blonde said quietly, a single finger tugging randomly on one of her loose curls. She stood from her chair and collected Bridget before going to leave the room. Before leaving the room entirely, she turned back and looked at Eddie, her green eyes warm and shining brilliantly with the beginnings of tears in them. She smiled, and then nodded at him, before turning back and walking with Bridget out into the hallway.
Eddie didn’t see the girls again until three days later. He was on his way out to the gardens, planning to go through the Sitting Room to the Dining Room and then out the side door from there. He wasn’t sure if he should call it a mistake, but upon entering the Sitting Room he met with Bridget and Alex in a heated discussion. As soon as she eyed him, Bridget gave Alex one of her famous Looks and then stood quickly, leaving in quite a huff. Alex could only smile apologetically at Eddie as she stood and walked quietly over to him.
“She’s quite frustrated with you,” she told him as she took his arm. “She doesn’t understand you like I do,” she added, leading him out of the Sitting Room and into the Dining Room, heading toward the side door that would lead out into the gardens.
“How did you know I was coming out here?” he asked her with a short sigh.
“Because I know you,” she replied, her voice quiet and focused. “I still haven’t told Bridget about your mother, you know.”
Eddie didn’t know what to say to that. Alex had found out years ago—just months before he had left, actually--about what had happened to his mother. They had connected on levels that Eddie would never understand on the day she had found out.
It had been over the winter holidays the year after he had left Hogwarts: Alex’s seventh year. His annual trip into Hogsmeade had once again taken him into her mother’s store, Ailerny’s Accessories, and he had bought yet another trinket for his mother’s grave. She had been there, just like the year before, and they talked about mundane things like the weather and how Alex’s last year was going. He remember leaving the store, feeling just a tad bit better, going up the hill and dropping to his knees in front of her grave. The box had been wrapped in a powdery blue ribbon, contrasting sharply with the onyx headstone that had been set for Evelyn’s grave. A single tear had fallen from his eyes and then…her voice cut through the silence.
“Eddie…Eddie what are you doing here?” she had asked, stepping up to his side and then dropping to her own knees beside him. He hadn’t answered her, but she didn’t have to ask twice. The grave marker read ‘Evelyn Carmichael: Loving Wife and Mother, May she rest in peace’
Alex had gasped and put a hand to her mouth, her eyes wide in understanding. “Oh, Eddie! Why didn’t you ever tell me?” she had asked, wrapping her arms around his shoulders. And for the first time since he could really remember, he cried. He had dug his face into the crook of her neck and he had sobbed, his entire body heaving, crying desperately and asking Alex why everyone he loved had to leave him. She had been quiet the entire time, running her hand through his hair and murmuring gentle reassurances to him all the while.
She had walked him home later, hugging him tightly before telling him that he wouldn’t ever have to be alone again, that she would be there for him no matter what. He had kissed her, not a lustful kiss, or even one filled with desperation, but a kiss full of longing and passion, yet as gentle as a light breeze on a warm, summer day.
Eddie brought himself back to the future, back to the grown woman who had draped her arm through his.
“Alex…I’m sorry,” he said, finally, opening the door and leading the curly-haired blonde out into the colourful gardens. “I never meant to hurt you, and I never meant for any of this to happen. It just…did.” He sighed, leading her out to the small swing that sat under a white gazebo covered with decorative vines.
“I know that, Eddie. And I think I even understand why you felt you had to stay. It does hurt a bit, knowing that you felt like I wouldn’t accept you back with open arms, but at least now I know the reasoning behind it. I’m glad that you can be honest with me. But I’m not the only one who deserves to know, you know. That’s why Bridget is so hostile with you. She doesn’t understand, and she won’t until she knows the entire story. It’s not my story to tell, though, so she won’t be hearing it from me.” She sat on the swing and then patted the seat next to her, a signal for him to join her. He did, wrapping his arm around her and sighing quietly.
“I just…don’t feel like she’d understand as well as you did, though,” he murmured, leaning his head over hers and inhaling her scent to comfort himself.
“You underestimate her, you know,” Alex told him after letting out a short sigh. “She will understand if you just tell her. She’s not the raging tyrant you think she is; it’s been hard for her, too. After the war, she managed to obtain a job in the Department of International Magical Cooperation. She started in the International Magical Office of Law and then worked her way up. She’s now the Head of the Department. You know how hectic a job at the Ministry can be. She’s just having a rough time at work and you’ve caught the brunt of it. Just give her time; she’ll come around.” Alex nudged him in the side, causing him to raise his head off of hers, and reached a hand up to his cheek as she smiled at him, her green eyes soft as they stared into his dark brown ones.
“I love you. I told you almost eleven years ago that I would never leave you, and I never have. You have always been in my heart. I don’t care what’s happened in the past. People change. I understand that. I know that you’ve been through a lot, first your mum and now your dad. You’ve faced an evil that not many people will ever have to in their lifetime. You’ve been shattered, but you managed to pick yourself up and put yourself together. Yes, you had help, but that doesn’t mean that you can’t be just as strong as you were before.” She kissed him softly and then leaned in so that her head was resting on his chest. “I’m only sorry that I couldn’t be there to help you.”
Eddie didn’t know what to say. Over the first few years that he had been away he had longed for her companionship, yearned for it with every fibre of his being. Even without it, though, he had managed with the help of Regina and her young daughter Katie, who had reminded him so much of Alex; the little girl had such a bubbly personality that he couldn’t help but be reminded of Alex when she was around. After a while, though, the longing had subsided, and he had found peace in the two people he had called family for so long. But the nagging in his heart was still there. Every once in a while he found himself lying awake into the night, staring at the ceiling as Regina slept beside him. They had never done anything together, simply slept in the same bed, as Regina had no couch and she wouldn’t hear of making Eddie sleep on the floor. Katie slept in the small cushioned chair in the living Room. He had felt ashamed at first, sleeping in the same bed as her. Eventually, he had come to accept it and it had become the norm. He knew he couldn’t ever tell that to Alex, though, and so he sighed, his eyes closing slowly. This was going to be as difficult an adjustment as getting situated with Regina was.
“I love you too, Alex,” he said finally, opening his eyes and staring deeply into hers, wondering if his own mirrored the shame he was feeling at that exact moment. She didn’t say anything, maybe because she saw whatever it was in his eyes that kept him from saying anything else. She fell silent as well, and there they both sat, staring up into the cloud-filled sky, almost as though the sky could feel the confusion in both of their hearts.
Dinner that night was a silent affair.
Bridget had come home in a rage, complaining about Bulgarians and how they were still grieving over the loss of the once-famous Viktor Krum. Alex could only smile sadly and shake her curly-haired head. Eddie sat stiffly in the Sitting Room, a black volume with elegant gold in-laid letters swirling over the cover and binding. Lixy popped into the room to alert them that dinner was ready.
They all filed quietly into the Dining Room, the tension hanging thick and unsettled in the air. As they each stared at their plates, their food appeared in front of them. A large round bowl, filled to the brim with a creamy, tomato soup, steaming and smelling deliciously, replaced Eddie’s plate. Alex was surprised by it, though she said nothing and poked at her chicken, wondering if she could change her mind. Bridget took practically no notice of either of them, cutting into her filet mignon and then lifting the piece up to her mouth. Alex finally broke the silence.
“Will work be like this for much longer?”
Bridget gave her one of those “Are you kidding?” looks as she took another bite of her meat.
“Until the Bulgarians stop mourning the loss of their hero,” she said, raising a single eyebrow at her friend. “They blame us for it, though we hardly had any control over his actions. As if we could make him go up against Voldemort.” Eddie flinched, not having heard the name in so long.
“Oh, grow up Carmichael,” Bridget snapped, pushing back a wisp of hair. She sighed and looked down at her plate, using her fork to push a pair of peas around until they became stuck in the mashed potatoes. She sighed, looking up at him with apologetic eyes.
“I’m sorry,” she told him firmly. “I know I’ve been hard on you. It’s not your fault, really, it isn’t, and I’m sorry that I’ve lost my temper with you so many times.” There it was. She had said it. Now it was his turn. But it was neither the time, nor the place, to go into a story about his past, to show her the darkness of his tragedy.
“You needn’t apologise,” Eddie said quietly, looking up from his soup and giving her a weak smile. “I’m quite sure I deserved it. I haven’t treated either of you respectfully at all since I’ve arrived back.” Alex opened her mouth to say something and then promptly closed it, causing Bridget to raise her eyebrow at her. “It’s the truth and you know it,” Eddie continued, raising his own eyebrow in a comical sort of way at Alex. That, at least, seemed to give Bridget cause to smirk, and for the first time since returning home, Eddie felt that things would be all right again.
"Well, what happens next?" Alex asked quietly, a hint of a smile pulling at the corner of her mouth.
"We start over," Eddie responded, a kind and gentle look on his face as he looked from one girl to the other. "That is, if you ladies would like to," he added, a playful smirk reminiscent of long ago sneaking onto his face. The look on Alex's face told him that she did, in fact, want to start over, to make it all right. Bridget simply nodded, a look of truce in her eyes as her head bobbed silently.
Continued here...
