hazy_reflection: (Default)
So. I'm a worrier. I do it all the time even without realising it. I worry about everything. I worry that my kittens are going to electrocute themselves by chewing through wires. I worry that I'll do something to upset John. I worry that my dad's cancer will get severely worse and he'll die before I can get home to see him. I worry that I'll miss all the things in my familys's lives because I've moved away to Australia. I worry that I won't be able to get pregnant and that I won't be able to give John the children that he's always known he's wanted. I worry that those children--if borne--will have problems. The most recent problem being that I--their mother--have aboslutely no ambition in life whatsoever. Absolutely none. Ask me what I want to do with my life. No really. Ask me. Because I have no freaking clue. I have no desire to have a clue. When I was eight, I apparently wanted to be a dentist because they make lots of money and I wanted to be able to take care of my parents. EIGHT. And seriously? What eight year old wants to be a dentist?? But since then, I've lost my way and haven't found anything that I feel is what I want to do with my life. I love music, but don't want to go into any part of the business. A pianist, a singer, a songwriter, a producer, a lyricist, a budding guitarist? Nope. Nothing. Nada. Zip. Zilch. Zippo. Zero. I am a zero.

But obviously, I want to do something? Otherwise I wouldn't be worried about it, right? I thought I needed ideas...possibilities for a future that I will never have because I don't have the ambition to do anything. I've looked at tons of options.

Teacher. What would I teach? Muic. I coud teach music. But I need an education to teach and I don't have the patience or the desire to get one. End argument for teaching. And most other options...doctor (and then with the needles eeeeeeeeeeewwwwww), dentist, lawyer (who the hell really wants to be a lawyer??), etc.

Teaching that doesn't require a degree. Could teach the local children piano, give piano lessons! But...I don't have a keyboard. Or a piano. Oh how I wish I had a piano... Could teach community members to knit. Or crochet, though I'm much better at knitting... Teach origami? Kirigami?? Teach typing. HA. Arranging furniture, sans fs. Teach people how to set the timer on their VCRs?? Oh wait...no more VCRs... How to set up a printer?? Oi vay... I could give spanish leessons!! What? There aren't any mexicans in Australia? Well bugger that then...

Ahhh but Australia works on a vocational program where schooling isn't a necessity for many many jobs.

Restaurant work? No. Been there. Done that. Would only want to do it if I were an owner...and didn't really have to work all that much.

Labourer, also known as a tradesman or tradie in the aussie slang. Don't want to be an electrician. Don't want to be a plumber. Don't want to be a brick layer. Don't want to be a construction worker. Don't want to be a wood worker. Don't want to be a heavy machinery operator. Don't want to be a roadworker. Don't want to be the unlucky bastard who picks all the dead roos up on the roads every day. Don't want to be a mechanic. Don't want to be a baker. Don't want to be a chef. Don't want to be a pastry chef.

Dairy farming? Farming in general. Don't want to be a farmhand. Don't want to be an animal caretaker. Don't want to milk cows. I do want to collect eggs but not on a largescale level. I'd like to collect two a day maybe...from my own chickens...to make wonderful omelets and yummy things that eggs can make. Don't want to shear sheep. Don't want to shear llamas. Don't want to raise emus (fuckin' evil scary birds). Want to have horses but not for any special reason but to ride them...

Animals? Vet requires schooling and then with needles bleeeeeeeeeeh. Vet assistant. Again with the needles...and a bit of schooling. Perhaps a cattery? Or a kennel? I could do that, but that requires start-up funds and most of them actually raise purebred animals for contests and stuff which I really don't feel like doing... though not a requirement. Hrm...what do I need to do to get that started then...???

But really, there are so many options out there and I have little to no desire to do what it takes to do any of them.

And I'm afraid that trait will travel down to my children. What then?

Like the subject says...stupid and ridiculous things to think about, but I do. Too much time on my hands? Maybe...
hazy_reflection: (Default)
No, I think the correct phrase would be "I'm so laaaaaaaaaaaaaame" because I can't keep up a 30-day meme to save my life!  =P

As it goes, it's even harder to try nowadays since I don't have INTERNET.  I'm currently on my mother-in-law's computer using her internet because the company we applied to hasn't gotten back to us yet...and it's been almost three weeks!  *sigh*  I love Australia but there are some things that just aren't quite up to speed yet...  =(

My married life so far?  October 14th is coming up and that will be John's and my 6 month anniversary.  Married for six months and it doesn't feel like much is changed...  Is it bad that it's coming up and I don't feel like it needs to be anything special?  The fact that we don't have that "newlywed sparkle" is worrying me.  But we're happy and content with each other and our lives together that I don't feel the need to make it that spectacular celebratory thing...  Maybe it will be though.  John has a habit of surprising me when I least expect it.  Sweetie that he is.

Things to look forward to:  Spring!!  Spring has started in the southern hemisphere and here in Australia that means FISHING!  Fishing season has started up again.  Gone fishing in the boat twice this past month and haven't got much to show for it, except a metre-long carpet shark on each trip.  Good to catch, not so good to keep.  They apparently don't taste very good.  Without the autumn flare Halloween doesn't have the same feel and Australians--at least in my little corner of Australia--don't really celebrate it very much either.  Not so bad for me because I've never really felt the desire to dress up, but I do miss the opportunity to get together and party with the friends.

After that, November!!  John's birthday is on the fourth, and while I've already bought him his birthday/Christmas gift: a brand spanking new shiny as hell XBOX that came with two games.  I still want to do something for him, though I'm not sure what...  He'd be happy if I did something small like cook him dinner, because I can't cook for crap, and he's been trying to teach me so that might be nice.  He doesn't work during the day though so it's not like I can surprise him with it when he gets home from work or anything.  Just letting him spend the day being lazy playing the XBOX and then making him dinner is an idea though...we'll see.  John's decided to let me have a Thanksgiving.  We didn't do it last year and since it's not an Australian holiday it wasn't really thought about until after the fact.  I missed Thanksgiving last year how crap is that?  An opportunity to pork out on yummy foods and delicious goodies and I missed it!!  lol I'm such a food junkie it's gross.  But it'll be fun teaching some of the Thanksgiving foods of my family to the natives.  Mom and dad might be coming out too, they haven't said anything specific yet but they mentioned they were thinking about it.

December!  Christmas in summer...  We'll see what happens.  I went back to the states for the Christmas and New Year's holidays last year so this one will be the first without my family.  That's going to be weird.  No staying over at mom and dad's Christmas Eve...no waking up for Christmas morning breakfast...no spending the day with the usual family and friends...  But it's still a couple months away so there's time to figure things out.  And then New Year's...that's apparently a big celebration (aka "drinking time") for the aussies and I'm not much of a drinker anymore so it'll be interesting.

I've started working at the bakery two days a week, and every other Saturday.  It was a bit odd because they kinda threw me in there without any real training.  But it's pretty simple and easy to do, just constantly working, like the restaurant was but not as busy in it's busiest time.  It's a popular bakery, full of typical Aussie (and English) foods and whatnot.  Meat pies of various types, pasties, sausage rolls and smoke-o's, slices and tarts and yummy things, some of them not so yummy.  It's a good introduction to what John will be expecting for his bakery once he starts it up so it's a good experience.  =)

I think that's it for now...deciding whether or not to have another wedding ceremony and reception here for the aussie side of the family.  If we do, we'll do it in April as a re-dedication of our vows for our one year anniversary...what to do what to do!!
hazy_reflection: (Default)
It's coming up on three years--in December anyway. But anyway, three years means it's time for me to start searching for a new job. Because I'm starting to hate this one.

How fucked up is it when my boss tells me "We'll make a good manager out of you yet"?
hazy_reflection: (Dolphin Goddess)
My life has run away with me it seems. Lots of things happening. I was promoted to Manager in July. I've been on salary for two months and I STILL can't seem to save money. How sad am I?

One of my really close friends had her baby! OMG 9lbs 2oz. and 23 inches of absolute CUTENESS. And a full head of hair. I'm going back to visit her on Thursday and there will be piccage because this little boy is too adorable to not take pictures of. His name is Wyatt, though they haven't decided on a middle name, either Aiden (which amuses me greatly), or James (which also amuses me too much for words). So yeah, poor thing. Her water DIDN'T BREAK. It just...started leaking. So...in all technicalities, she was in labour for 26 hours. The baby developed...some thing that I forget the name of...but, basically, it's when the baby takes a dump while still in the uterus. Not of the good. And then the momma developed a fever. The whole thing was just a mess...so after 25 long hours of waiting for natural labour to occur, they finally went the c-section route. But yay!! Babyness.

And...I've been talking to this guy for the past year. We're making plans to visit each other... Yes, it's long distance. No, we've never met. He lives in Australia. I live...well, I live here. In the good old US of A. He's somewhat of a country boy. I'm...somewhat city...but not really. Yet, somehow we mesh. If things go well, he'll be here in February, and I'll be making plans to vacation out in Australia in 2010 mostlikely...

But yes...that's my life in a nutshell. Work and new relationships.

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