hazy_reflection: (Default)
So. I'm a worrier. I do it all the time even without realising it. I worry about everything. I worry that my kittens are going to electrocute themselves by chewing through wires. I worry that I'll do something to upset John. I worry that my dad's cancer will get severely worse and he'll die before I can get home to see him. I worry that I'll miss all the things in my familys's lives because I've moved away to Australia. I worry that I won't be able to get pregnant and that I won't be able to give John the children that he's always known he's wanted. I worry that those children--if borne--will have problems. The most recent problem being that I--their mother--have aboslutely no ambition in life whatsoever. Absolutely none. Ask me what I want to do with my life. No really. Ask me. Because I have no freaking clue. I have no desire to have a clue. When I was eight, I apparently wanted to be a dentist because they make lots of money and I wanted to be able to take care of my parents. EIGHT. And seriously? What eight year old wants to be a dentist?? But since then, I've lost my way and haven't found anything that I feel is what I want to do with my life. I love music, but don't want to go into any part of the business. A pianist, a singer, a songwriter, a producer, a lyricist, a budding guitarist? Nope. Nothing. Nada. Zip. Zilch. Zippo. Zero. I am a zero.

But obviously, I want to do something? Otherwise I wouldn't be worried about it, right? I thought I needed ideas...possibilities for a future that I will never have because I don't have the ambition to do anything. I've looked at tons of options.

Teacher. What would I teach? Muic. I coud teach music. But I need an education to teach and I don't have the patience or the desire to get one. End argument for teaching. And most other options...doctor (and then with the needles eeeeeeeeeeewwwwww), dentist, lawyer (who the hell really wants to be a lawyer??), etc.

Teaching that doesn't require a degree. Could teach the local children piano, give piano lessons! But...I don't have a keyboard. Or a piano. Oh how I wish I had a piano... Could teach community members to knit. Or crochet, though I'm much better at knitting... Teach origami? Kirigami?? Teach typing. HA. Arranging furniture, sans fs. Teach people how to set the timer on their VCRs?? Oh wait...no more VCRs... How to set up a printer?? Oi vay... I could give spanish leessons!! What? There aren't any mexicans in Australia? Well bugger that then...

Ahhh but Australia works on a vocational program where schooling isn't a necessity for many many jobs.

Restaurant work? No. Been there. Done that. Would only want to do it if I were an owner...and didn't really have to work all that much.

Labourer, also known as a tradesman or tradie in the aussie slang. Don't want to be an electrician. Don't want to be a plumber. Don't want to be a brick layer. Don't want to be a construction worker. Don't want to be a wood worker. Don't want to be a heavy machinery operator. Don't want to be a roadworker. Don't want to be the unlucky bastard who picks all the dead roos up on the roads every day. Don't want to be a mechanic. Don't want to be a baker. Don't want to be a chef. Don't want to be a pastry chef.

Dairy farming? Farming in general. Don't want to be a farmhand. Don't want to be an animal caretaker. Don't want to milk cows. I do want to collect eggs but not on a largescale level. I'd like to collect two a day maybe...from my own chickens...to make wonderful omelets and yummy things that eggs can make. Don't want to shear sheep. Don't want to shear llamas. Don't want to raise emus (fuckin' evil scary birds). Want to have horses but not for any special reason but to ride them...

Animals? Vet requires schooling and then with needles bleeeeeeeeeeh. Vet assistant. Again with the needles...and a bit of schooling. Perhaps a cattery? Or a kennel? I could do that, but that requires start-up funds and most of them actually raise purebred animals for contests and stuff which I really don't feel like doing... though not a requirement. Hrm...what do I need to do to get that started then...???

But really, there are so many options out there and I have little to no desire to do what it takes to do any of them.

And I'm afraid that trait will travel down to my children. What then?

Like the subject says...stupid and ridiculous things to think about, but I do. Too much time on my hands? Maybe...
hazy_reflection: (Default)
According to LiveJournal it's been 10 weeks since my last post. In that post, I didn't really say much. Not really going to say much here...just an update of my life since moving to Australia.

June 21-23 -- My plane ride was great! The end of it? Not so much of the good. The weather in Brisbane was crap so they weren't going to let us land for, like, an hour and we didn't have enough fuel to fly around and wait for an hour so they had to fly out to a little island and land in a place called Noumea to refuel which set us back about 3 hours and I missed my connecting flight to Melbourne. I guess that's a good thing because John's brother was being such a slack and they were late getting to Melbourne to pick me up anyway. Qantas was really good about already having a new connecting flight ready for me so I wasn't waiting around at all. John met me at the Melbourne airport along with his brother and his brother's fiancee--who is not his fiancee anymore at this moment in time--and everything was good. My outlook on life brightened considerably as soon as he smiled at me.

He took me home, I watched the scenery fly by and change so much during the car ride back to his home. Melbourne looks pretty much like any other city with it's skyscrapers and tall buildings that Superman could leap in a single bound. Big difference between LA and Melbourne though is that everything here in Australia seems to be sooooo much greener. I'm serious. There are trees, like, freaking EVERYWHERE. Once out of the car and in the house I pretty much passed out. Yay jetlag.

June 24 -- Woke up at an odd time. 3am. O_o Oh wait, that's 10am PST. Makes sense now. Except I'm sitting in bed alone because John's at work and I don't want to bother the rest of the house. Try and go back to sleep and end up lying in bed for about 5 hours. No big. Get used to it I guess. But John scheduled a movie for us! Transformers 2!! Except that halfway through the movie I--after scarfing down loads of way too salty popcorn--get horrible stomach pains so we ended up leaving and I end up getting sick and wretching right outside his car. Joy. "What's the first thing you did in Australia?" Oh, I threw up. My advice to anyo who's going on a very longplane ride: make sure you drink plenty of water and don't throw loads of salt down your gullet until you do. I'd never been dehydrated before and let me tell you it hurts like a mofo. Yes I just said mofo. The next few days were all pretty much rest and recuperation.

That weekend John, his mother, and his niece all took me to a local wildlife sanctuary where we saw some gorgeous peacocks and wallabies.

Oh the wallabies... )

We also went back and saw the end of Transformers 2 that weekend since I had stupidly managed to end our previous movie engagement earlier than expected.

The next week was pretty relaxed. John took me to a few different beaches. They're so different from the ones back home. Completely less populated. You can stand on the shore and be the only person there in the middle of the afternoon. Of course, it was the beginning of winter at the time so...I suppose that could be why. But John says that's usually the way it is. There just aren't that many people on the beaches here. So much less crowded and less trashed up. You can sit on the sand and watch the waves crash for hours...and there are far less seagulls and a larger variety of birds hanging about as well. I feel a much stronger pull to nature on the beach here than I do when I visit the ocean back home.

And then the week after that, fishing!! Yes, John fishes and I have developed an unexpected liking for it as well. He took me out surf fishing the third wednesday after I had arrived. Of course, it was slow going at first. But somehow I managed to hook something! And a big something it was!

Crazy sized Australian Salmon that I've caught there. =P It's a bit larger than the every day man's catch, or so I'm told. I keep trying to tell them all that it was all beginner's luck but they won't believe me. I haven't really caught anything since. John has taken me out on his boat once--the weather hasn't really been good enough for anything more than that--and I caught a few small flathead. Almost hit John in the head with one too. =D

Since then we've been fishing at least once every week...maybe... We've gone on walks, bought a couple bikes and gone on bike rides... I've been introduced to family members and family friends. I've discovered not so fabulous mexican and really great australianised chinese. I've tasted Spaghetti Bolognese made by three different people but all three version were amazing. I've eaten more home made food in the past two months than I ever expected to eat in my adult life. How sad is that? I've eaten far less fast food than I would if I had still been at home. And I think I'm losing weight!! O_O Life here is good for me.

And the best and scariest part of it all: John put down a down payment on land and a house. We're going to have our own home!! They start building in December, and it should be done by April. O_O I get to pick out colours and carpet and countertops and furniture and...and...and... OMG. And then there's backyard stuff...of course there's going to be a shed for the boat and fishing items and and and... =D It's exciting but it's extremely scary for me. It's one step closer to that fairytale ending y'know? I've been hoping and dreaming for it for such a long time and now...it's starting to come true. I can hardly believe it...

It means, of course, that money is going to be tight, but that's to be expected. And the wedding is going to be small, but I don't mind that. I've always wanted a smaller wedding. My family keeps saying "big wedding big wedding!!" but, it's mine right? That means it needs to be what I want it to be? Especially if John and I are paying for it...right? Right. I am loving my life right now.


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July 2013

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