hazy_reflection: (Default)
So. I'm a worrier. I do it all the time even without realising it. I worry about everything. I worry that my kittens are going to electrocute themselves by chewing through wires. I worry that I'll do something to upset John. I worry that my dad's cancer will get severely worse and he'll die before I can get home to see him. I worry that I'll miss all the things in my familys's lives because I've moved away to Australia. I worry that I won't be able to get pregnant and that I won't be able to give John the children that he's always known he's wanted. I worry that those children--if borne--will have problems. The most recent problem being that I--their mother--have aboslutely no ambition in life whatsoever. Absolutely none. Ask me what I want to do with my life. No really. Ask me. Because I have no freaking clue. I have no desire to have a clue. When I was eight, I apparently wanted to be a dentist because they make lots of money and I wanted to be able to take care of my parents. EIGHT. And seriously? What eight year old wants to be a dentist?? But since then, I've lost my way and haven't found anything that I feel is what I want to do with my life. I love music, but don't want to go into any part of the business. A pianist, a singer, a songwriter, a producer, a lyricist, a budding guitarist? Nope. Nothing. Nada. Zip. Zilch. Zippo. Zero. I am a zero.

But obviously, I want to do something? Otherwise I wouldn't be worried about it, right? I thought I needed ideas...possibilities for a future that I will never have because I don't have the ambition to do anything. I've looked at tons of options.

Teacher. What would I teach? Muic. I coud teach music. But I need an education to teach and I don't have the patience or the desire to get one. End argument for teaching. And most other options...doctor (and then with the needles eeeeeeeeeeewwwwww), dentist, lawyer (who the hell really wants to be a lawyer??), etc.

Teaching that doesn't require a degree. Could teach the local children piano, give piano lessons! But...I don't have a keyboard. Or a piano. Oh how I wish I had a piano... Could teach community members to knit. Or crochet, though I'm much better at knitting... Teach origami? Kirigami?? Teach typing. HA. Arranging furniture, sans fs. Teach people how to set the timer on their VCRs?? Oh wait...no more VCRs... How to set up a printer?? Oi vay... I could give spanish leessons!! What? There aren't any mexicans in Australia? Well bugger that then...

Ahhh but Australia works on a vocational program where schooling isn't a necessity for many many jobs.

Restaurant work? No. Been there. Done that. Would only want to do it if I were an owner...and didn't really have to work all that much.

Labourer, also known as a tradesman or tradie in the aussie slang. Don't want to be an electrician. Don't want to be a plumber. Don't want to be a brick layer. Don't want to be a construction worker. Don't want to be a wood worker. Don't want to be a heavy machinery operator. Don't want to be a roadworker. Don't want to be the unlucky bastard who picks all the dead roos up on the roads every day. Don't want to be a mechanic. Don't want to be a baker. Don't want to be a chef. Don't want to be a pastry chef.

Dairy farming? Farming in general. Don't want to be a farmhand. Don't want to be an animal caretaker. Don't want to milk cows. I do want to collect eggs but not on a largescale level. I'd like to collect two a day maybe...from my own chickens...to make wonderful omelets and yummy things that eggs can make. Don't want to shear sheep. Don't want to shear llamas. Don't want to raise emus (fuckin' evil scary birds). Want to have horses but not for any special reason but to ride them...

Animals? Vet requires schooling and then with needles bleeeeeeeeeeh. Vet assistant. Again with the needles...and a bit of schooling. Perhaps a cattery? Or a kennel? I could do that, but that requires start-up funds and most of them actually raise purebred animals for contests and stuff which I really don't feel like doing... though not a requirement. Hrm...what do I need to do to get that started then...???

But really, there are so many options out there and I have little to no desire to do what it takes to do any of them.

And I'm afraid that trait will travel down to my children. What then?

Like the subject says...stupid and ridiculous things to think about, but I do. Too much time on my hands? Maybe...
hazy_reflection: (Default)
Well, not so much funny but not something I expected at work...in Australia... Which is odd in itself because it's not like people don't travel...

At work today, two groups of Americans came in. It wouldn't seem so weird, but my little town of Rosedale isn't exactly a highlight of Australia. It's a little town in the corner of country nowhere... But it does have a bakery that sells quality items at low prices and people know about it so I guess it's not so uncommon. But I don't think I've ever met an American in the bakery before, and today there were a bunch. The second group was interesting in that they hailed from California. Oakland to be exact, which sports fans will know as the home of the Oakland A's...oi vay baseball. *sigh* The first group, however, came in from Virginia, which immediately made me think of my LifeJournal friends and how I don't think I know what any of you people sound like...except for [livejournal.com profile] a_leprechaun cuz, y'know, I've actually met you. But, and I don't know why this should seem odd, I felt like the one girl who I spoke with the most had an out of place accent. It immediately, for whatever reason, reminded me a voice Robin Williams did once and I can't even remember what show or whatever it was on... It seemed to heavy, like something you'd hear in maybe in Alabama... I always assumed a Virginia accent would be less, dare I say it, hick? than anything else. Of course, that could be because I watch too many movies and associate certain accents with certain states, as so many people do. Hellooooo Minnesota. Can we say Bobby's World don'tchaknow? Or would it be better typed in as "Babby's World"? And then there are so many different southern accents that it would hardly seem decent to even begin to try and think of what each state's would sound like... I don't know. Maybe I'm weird and overthink it too much. But I always thought a Virginian would have more of a...refined southern accent? And I know that sounds insulting to the other southern states but...it's my own opinion and I'm entitled to it.

And then it made me think... After a year and a half in Australia, what has my American accent changed to? I know that for the most part I don't sound any different. There are certain words that I'll pronounce differently because my three and a half year old niece doesn't understand me if I don't say something the "Australian" way. Of course, sometimes I think she doesn't understand me at all... =P

I miss home...
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I find more and more that married life suits me, odd as it may have sounded to anyone who knew me eight years ago. At that point in my life, I had just been horribly dumped by someone who was young and foolish and horribly self-centred and somehow I had become enamoured of him all through high school. Still, we live and learn and here I am with someone who devotes himself to me anew every single day. How long will it last? Who can say, but for now I will relish in the delight that someone finds me attractive, sexy, and everything they always wanted.

We just spent a wonderful long weekend away at the family's favourite vacation spot: Merimbula. A small on-the-water city that many aussies often visit as a fishing holiday spot. It was nice to get away from home, everyone needs a holiday now and then, and the weather in Merimbula is so much nicer than Rosedale at the moment. Never for a moment let anyone fool you into thinking that all of Australia is hot all year round. Tis not so in the southern states. Four seasons is a common thing here in Victoria, and sometimes all four in one day! Though, we aren't at an altitude that gets snow, so it's not a "true" winter in that aspect, but the weather does get odd. One minute it can be hot as heck, and the next it will be freezing because the wind just blew up and the sun was covered by a quickly drifting cloud. But Merimbula was beautiful and sunny. We did get a magnificent thunder storm in which we were, for about fifteen minutes, serenaded by the crash, boom, and very loud bang of the thunder clouds, accented by the blinding flashes of lightning that lit up the darkened skies. Excellent to watch, especially the ones out to sea that looked like they touched it. So we went down, caught some fish, turned a very lovely shade of red, followed by a nice dark brown, and came home and back to the real world where at this very moment, my husband's alarm is going off to wake him up to ready for work. Yes the real world is not always so fun. Ahh the life of being a baker. Up at midnight. And time for me to hit the hay.

As it goes, I've been keeping a small written diary since Jan 1 and I've only missed two days so far. Not too shabby. I've usually missed about two weeks by now. =P


Dec. 30th, 2010 09:17 am
hazy_reflection: (Default)
So, Facebook's being weird and not loading for me, which is really annoying because I'm a loser and really wanted to play my games... Oh well.

Christmas. Christmas was interesting. Nothing like I'm used to at home because family dynmics and holiday plans differ for the Brandons here in the land down under from what my parents do back home. I suppose the whole summer Christmas vs. winter Christmas makes a big difference, especially in the gift department, but it's still weird. I feel like a bad person for having that "I want to go home..." feeling when I've got so much for me here... But there's still so much that I miss and it's only been a year and a half... I can't be expected to just forget about the past 26 years of my life, can I? Maybe I'll be used to it after another 26 years... Of course, in 26 years I'll have kids to be accustomed to as well, hopefully...

Anyway, like I said, Christmas was interesting. I made a turkey! After my parents came out for Thanksgiving and showed me how they do it, I copied and tried myself for Christmas. The kicker? Everyone said my turkey was greeeeeeat. =P And lol John yelled at me for giving away the "secret recipe". His mother kept saying that even though I left the turkey in the oven for too long that it was still more moist than hers was. I, of course, immediately blurted out that it's because I stuck a whole stick of butter in it... =P I do that a lot, just blurt out things when I didn't know what I was doing at the time... Why can't I be that person who just smiles and looks like they know what they're doing? Meh. So yes, I made turkey and dad's recipe for mashed sweet potato and his stuffing which everyone loved. I put too much bread in it though, and it came out far too dry but it's a learning process, right? Next year hopefully I'll do it better. I'm thinking about making it a couple times during the year in a much smaller amount to see if I can't get it done better...somehow...something...stuff.

So John's family does a bigger family thing with extended relatives on Christmas Eve, and that was fun. All four generations of the Alexander family--John's mum's side--were there and Uncle Jeff dressed up as Santa and distributed gifts early so it was amusing to see the kids shying away from Santa and to find out who were the really brave ones. It's also really weird to hear a Santa speaking with an accent.

After that it was home time and then John and I woke up ridiculously early Christmas Day: 7:45am! lol. He was talking about how he always sleeps in on Christmas Day and then I woke up that early and since I did he decided he should wake up too I guess... So he had his coffee, I had some orange juice and then the family showed up! I can't beleive they were going to wake us up, but we spoiled the surprise and beat them to it. So it was open presents time and I got some really nice gifts. John splurged and got me a Nintendo DS because I've been talking about how I like Nintendo better than xBox, silly boy. I don't mind his xBox but now I have Pokemon! And it plays Gameboy Advance games too, so he found a bunch of games on e-Bay and wrapped them all individually (ugh!) and so I've got Super Mario World and a few different other Mario games (yay Mario!!) but my first goal is to get through my Pokemon SoulSilver first before I go buying more games. =P Even though I wants so many of them. I wants them!! And then his parents bought me a pen that, funnily enough, I already had because dad bought it to sign the guest book at the wedding. It's a blinged out mini-pen. Funny stuff. But then they also got me a diary for 2011 and some hair clips that I also already have. They're those ones that stretch across the back of your head and are made of elastic and do lots of different things...But it's nice to have more because they do work well and I've stretched a few of the elastic bits too far so some of them have broken but they're stil far from throw away status. The Pokemon game was a gift from my brother-in-law James (Jimbo!) and his girlfriend Amy. John's sister Tina (must stop referring to everyone as John's this or John's that and saying "MY") is a fundless college student so her present was her presence. =) My mother-in-law's mother even got me a gift, this little diffuser bottle of rose and patchouli(sp?) scented oil and it smells sooooo good. I'm sad that it's just a small bottle because it just smells sooooo pretty. And then of course my parents. They got me a bottle of perfume, sillyheads, which they do every year. I need to tell them to stop because I'm not much of a perfume person. I still have imps from BPAL that I bought long long ago that have still never been opened except to test the smell back when I first bought them. Anyway. My parents have a set amount of money that they spend on each of their daughters every Christmas. So instead of buying stuff with that amount of money like they do every year, they bought us a few things for the house and gave us the cash, put in a card in an envelope wrapped in a gift, of course. But still. Too much! The lovelies. But it's weird because I can't spend hardly anything because all of our holiday money is going toward the house, because we still need to put our fencing up and that shit's expensive. So my spending is curbed until probably birthday 2011. Wheee March.

New Year's our plans are to go fishing. Overnight. In a boat. If the weather stays nice and warm and my health doesn't go stupid--I'm getting a sore throat and have been coughing for the past three days but I don't feel siiiiiiiiiiick--then we're going! It's going to be scary for sure because John's never driven his boat in the dark before, but his dad's gone on overnight fishing trips so that doesn't scare me as much. It'll be the most interesting thing I'll ever do on a New Year's Even that's for sure. Hopefully--if John lets me go--I'll catch something interesting, but if I catch a shark in the dark I dunno how we're gonna take care of it... O_O But if my cold doesn't get better John's not going to let me go and then I have no idea what we'll be doing for the holiday. He did mention something about a whole day in bed. And he meant it. He was talking about pulling a mattress out into the family room and just watching movies all day, candlelight, ordering in for lunch and then making a romantic dinner together later in the evening... And of course...other things...

We'll see.
hazy_reflection: (Default)
My parents are in Australia.

My parents are in Australia!! It's so nuts. The in-laws have finally met each other and I think it went really well. Barbeque was great, food was nummy and everyone was civil...except for the three and a half year old niece who is absolutely selfishly nuts. As all three year olds seem to be...

In other news, I still haven't seen HP7P1 and I won't see it until after my parents leave... major sadness but whatevs, I can deal. I'm anxious to see what all this spoileryish comment ) is about and omg everyone's been saying it's so true to the books I WANT TO SEE IT.

In NaNo news, I've given up, as I've no motivation to write my project anymore and my parents are in town which gives me hardly any time to write for the next week and a half-ish and...stuff. I can be proud of the fact, however, that I am about 1000 words further than any previous years. Maybe in 50 years I'll hit the 50k word mark. =P

Disney news? Tangled has been released in the US already. Someone uploaded the soundtrack to a Disney comm I'm in and...I'm not all up in that... PatF music wasn't fantastic but I enjoyed it...but this with the Mandy Moore thing and Donna Murphy and Zach Levi I'm not really feeling it... And then I don't like Mandy Moore at all but whatevs. And the best kicker?? It doesn't release in Australia until JANUARY. How not fair is that?


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